July 2, 2009

Dating do’s and don’ts

Posted in Between Us column, Relationships, Women at 2:41 am by dinaheng

Jess McCann started her own sales company after college, teaching her employees sales techniques to peddle wares for local telecom and office supply companies. Today, she’s using sales principles to coach women on how to successfully attract and get the men they want.

While there are no guarantees, the common sense tactics in McCann’s book “You Lost Him At Hello” ($14.95, Health Communications) get at the heart of why many relationships fail to launch.

“One of the worst mistakes is women will meet a guy and even though they’ve only been on one date, they’ll focus on him as ‘The One,’ “ McCann says. “They fall in love after one meal or one movie. They really need to fill the funnel by dating more than one person at a time. The more options you have, the more likely you’ll close the deal.”dinah-eng-21

McCann says most women waste time on pursuing the wrong men because they’re not reading the signs of interest correctly. She says look for eye contact — is he checking you out? Does he ask you questions about yourself? If not, don’t waste a lot of time trying to get his attention.

As with everything in life, successful dating stems from knowing who we are, and having the self-confidence to be that person with strangers. How we feel about ourselves is always transmitted to others, so attracting a partner requires feeling good about ourselves.

McCann says everything women say or do throughout the dating process will either move guys toward them, or away from them.

Some of her suggestions:

* Want a guy to approach you? Smile at him, establish eye contact and project good energy. Tell him non-verbally that you’re approachable.

* Don’t date one man at a time. You may cut off other potential mates if you’re focused on one person, and you’re less likely to feel needy if you’re dating other possible partners.

* End your date “at the height of impulse,” when the guy is really enjoying your company, and leave him wanting more.

* Don’t tell him everything about yourself at once. Let the relationship develop slowly.

* Find the balance between being enthusiastic and indifferent about dating him, so that he’s not always in control of when you get together. Say no sometimes.

“Most girls are needy, desperate, and overly aggressive,” McCann says. “Women usually relinquish their power completely, and men realize they have the control. I think women don’t find themselves to be special. If you don’t love your product — yourself — no man will love you, either.

“Life’s not a chick flick or a romance novel. A lot of women pick men apart. We’re all imperfect. If you look hard enough, you’ll find something to pick apart. What you should really look for is a good guy with character and a good heart.”

While few of us enjoy the “maneuvering” involved in finding a mate, it’s rare that two people will connect without bumping into each other’s fears, hopes and dreams on the way to figuring out whether attraction will turn into lasting love. Keeping McCann’s sales techniques in mind could be a real relationship starter.

McCann says she followed her own dating advice last year and has found the man of her dreams.

“It took him two months to start talking about wanting a relationship, and I told him I wasn’t ready yet,” McCann says. “A month later, he was still there, and at three months, we decided to be exclusive.”

Goes to prove, a good saleswoman knows how to get her man.

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